Singapore Dark Jokes

Someone posted a thread on Reddit requesting for local “dark humour” jokes. /r/Singapore did not disappoint (though most of them ended up being fairly xenophobic but I guess that’s just one of the most prominent ways one can even “do” dark jokes in Singapore).

Here are some of the more outstanding ones I found on the thread;

A Mat, who was in Primary 3, came home from school one day and asked his father, “Bapak, today in school, me and friends had competisen, see who’s kukubird the biggest, lah. My kukubird bigger than all, lah. Why ah? Because I Melayu, issit?

The father sighed and looked at him and said, “No.” “Because you’re eighteen

One day, 4 babies were born at K.K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean.

However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn’t differentiate between them.

However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, “Heil Hitler!”

At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, “Clean that up!”

What’s the biggest mosque in Singapore?

Changi prison

A group of Malays and another group of Chinese were playing football in Changi prison. Why did the Malays win?

Because they had home court advantage

Why is Singapore looking to purchase the latest Lockheed Martin F-35 fighter plane?

Because we have to keep up with Malaysia who has had her own stealth fighter of her own since 2014.

It’s called MH370.

What’s the difference between a park bench and a Malay father?

The bench can support a family of four.

What do Malays and Superman’s weakness have in common?

They both end in ITE

There was a Brazilian, Bangladeshi and Singaporean stranded in a forest. Out of boredom, the Brazilian takes out a cigar, lights it, takes two puffs and tosses it to the ground. Bangladeshi and Singaporean look at him, stunned. Brazilian very proudly proclaims, “don’t worry! I have many of those at home!”

Bangladeshi, not wanting to be outdone, searches his pockets and finds a cigarette. He lights it, takes two puffs and tosses it to the ground. Singaporean looks at him, stunned. Bangladeshi proudly proclaims, “don’t worry, I have many of those at home!”

The Singaporean by now was losing his mind, searching his pockets frantically for something to show off but there was just nothing.

Singaporean finally calms down, walks over to the Bangladeshi, picks him up and tosses him to the ground. Brazilian looks at him, absolutely stunned. Singaporean very very very proudly proclaims “don’t worry! I have many of those at home!”

12 May 2018

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